I had a quote for guttering recently. I don’t know if I actually need my gutters replacing. What I do know is that it was pouring with rain when the man came to my door a few weeks prior. It was a free quote and rather than him stand at my door for 10 minutes trying to convince me why I need this quote, I thought I’d just save him the time. I could call and cancel the appointment. Meanwhile. he would get one more address to fill his quota and get out of the rain quicker. Win win.

It just so happened that I didn’t cancel the appointment.

A lovely gentleman came by. Lets call him Bob. Bob came into the house and sat on the sofa nearest the window. It was mid morning. The sun was out. Mine and the neighbours kids were in and out of the house, and the cats were jumping in and out of the window.

“So, what has made you get this quote? What do you need? Do you know about our company and what we do?”

Ummm…

I proceeded to tell Bob that it was simply due to a man coming to the door, he mentioned that my guttering-or whatever he actually said it was- might need replacing at some point and I could have a free quote with no obligation.

“Well, unless you are going to go ahead- there is no point really in me being here” Said Bob.

What? I’ve sat here waiting for you and you’re telling me it was a waste of your time?! Speak for yourself!

“So, unless you’re going to do this in the next 1-2 months, I shouldn’t have come here. It looks like you have had a lot of work done so I’m assuming you’re all spent up. Unless you’ve won the lottery?” He said this with a little grin on his face. Not condescending – I don’t think. I gave as good as I got.

” Yeah, it’s a work in progress” I say (I have had a garage conversion. My home here is now split in two. New house and old, unrenovated house) ” NO, I haven’t won the lottery. It’s a little different but I’m lucky that I can do this to my home.”

“Well, you’ve got me intrigued now.” He says.

Alright then. I proceed to tell him the reason I am able to renovate. The reason why I feel so lucky. Then he told me something. He’d also had something terrible happen to him.

Something that must have been truly terrifying.

He was kidnapped by an ex colleague. Let’s call him Ted. Bob previously owned a business and had the unfortunate job of firing Ted. The reasons why aren’t important. Ted hired a hitman, who put a gun to Bob’s head and stabbed him multiple times. He was lucky to be alive. There was a court case and a conviction. He said it took two years of therapy for him to comprehend what happened to him. Now Ted was back-free to roam in the world.

After hearing this information, I noticed that I wasn’t really shocked or numb. I felt nothing. Nothing at all. This man had gone through such a traumatic experience and he was trying his hardest not to let him define him. And I couldn’t feel..anything. Almost like I wanted to shrug my shoulders. It should have surprised me. I don’t think what he said really sunk in. Almost like he was making it up. He wasn’t. I saw the marks. I could tell he was speaking the truth. His eyes glazed over and he was clearly still troubled by this. All these years later.

” I know I can’t comprehend what happened to you,” Bob said, “but I suppose we are similar.”

Not really. It didn’t happen to me. It happened to you. I was the aftermath. Bob? Well Bob was a target. Bob had experienced something that had changed him and affected him in ways he never thought possible. That still strikes a chord with him now.

I wish I had said more. Thanked him for sharing his story. For not letting this define him.

We sat there silently for a moment. Luckily the sound of the boys fighting in the garden brought Bob back to the present.

I realised that we all have a need to share our story. Because it affected who we are today. And it will continue to do so.

C x