Here we are.

A new year. A new set of reflections surfacing. An aim to put some things right and to move on with new resolutions that you intend to keep. However, they’re either so vague you forget what the actual point was, or they’re so intense and precise that you know you have no real chance of sticking to them.

I’m not sure what this is yet, so let’s just see what actually happens throughout this post shall we?

I spent my first year at my new job. A high school. I genuinely never realised just how much I needed to make the move away from my little bubble. Yes, I miss everyone. I am so glad I was there and made the relationships that I did, but the weight that was subsequently lifted from me was something that I genuinely didn’t expect.

To be an unknown. To be welcomed as my own person. Able to put my mark there simply as myself. To be able to make my own mistakes. To make friends who have become special to me. It’s not been an easy ride though. It took a long time to get there because of that stupid virus. Schools were shut down so relationships with children and staff took longer than it should have. Ultimately though, I am happy there.

This year I have started to look at myself in a different way. I’m now a mother of children that are both in high school. Both double digits. Something that I didn’t envision doing on my own. One of them turned 13. THIRTEEN. Said teen is now taller than me. They have these amazing- and also frustrating- personalities. They have attitude, their sarcasm knows no bounds, and their eye rolling is at a level I have yet to master. I love them though and I know, in their own weird teenage way, they love me.

I’ve seen my sister graduate and become the person that she trained so hard for. I have become besties with my niece. She is the daughter I never had and I would do anything to continue being the one that she can rely on and want to call when she is older, because she is stuck after sneaking out of the house and needs to get home without her dad finding out. I’ve watched my brother become a dad who dotes on his daughter. I’ve watched my youngest brother turn 21. a boy that could quite easily have been mine had I had a child at a young age. He makes me feel old!

That being said, I’ve decided that I am happy with who I am, but I’m allowed to want more. More for me. More for my life ahead. That I don’t have to feel like I can’t wish more for myself. I take pictures of myself that I am proud to share. I buy myself things that make me feel good. That I don’t care if other people don’t like. I share my love for others by doing something as simple as buying them a coffee, or writing them a note to say I’m there for them. It’s important. I want to treat others how I want to be treated. Ultimately, I am starting to-or making more of an effort to-enjoy me. I know it’s starting to radiate. I will do everything in my power to make it continue and share that with everyone that comes my way.

I am enough.

I am wanted.

I am desired.

I am f***ing amazing.

I’m not sure what this was, or is for that matter. Am I posting it to make myself accountable? Maybe. Am I looking for positive reinforcement? Maybe. Am I simply speaking about feelings, memories and affirmations on a page that I can look back on? Yeah, pretty much.

2022… please don’t be the royal pain in the backside that 2021 (and 2020) has been. The idea is that you’re on my side now. Remember that.

C x