1100 hours. I’ve not yet been asleep.  I’m restless. It’s the Grand Opening of Constable Daniel Woodall School. I’m not there.

I thought it was already open I hear you say. Well, yes, it is. The school opened it’s doors to K-6 students back in September 2017.

When a new school is opened, there is an official ceremony which takes place. All very “posh” but wonderful. There are plaques, speeches, acknowledgements from trustees, politicians.. Like I said, all sounds very posh but it’s a really lovely celebration.

I was quite set on the fact that I wouldn’t be attending the ceremony. I felt I couldn’t take the boys back to Edmonton before they had been back in Manchester for at least a year. From my personal experience, you have to stay in your ‘new home’ for at least a year before you decide if where you are is a good place to stay. I have one boy that wants to go back to Edmonton, and one boy that is now a fully fledged Mancunian. So as you can tell, I’m basically piggy in the middle.

Anywho..

Going without the boys wasn’t an option. It wouldn’t be fair. Going with the boys could have been difficult for them. Coming back to Manchester after a week or two in Edmonton, I felt, would have confused them more. We wouldn’t have been staying in our family home anyway as it is being taken care of by someone else.

Dan’s parents decided that they would attend. Once I had made the decision to stay there was still that tinge of guilt. I didn’t want people to think that I didn’t care, so I suggested recording a message to show my love and gratitude to everyone. Once that was done, I was happy. I was fine with the idea of not being there on the night.

Back to 1100 hrs. I’d not felt right all day. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Maybe I was coming down with a cold-as we all know, a change in the weather brings a whole new bout of virus’. It wasn’t that though. I was suppressing the disappointment in myself. I should have gone. I should have been there for Dan. I should have been there for EPS. I should have been there for everyone. But, I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. I was totally torn.

A wonderful friend called me via facetime. It was roughly 0100. I ran downstairs. Gabe heard me and came down the stairs. I hadn’t actually told them about the grand opening until a few days before. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Make them feel guilty. Make all those feelings about where they wanted to be come back to the surface. I told Gabe what was going on and we sat and watched the whole thing via facetime. Lots of smiling faces. Lots of wonderful speeches saying how proud they were about the school. How grateful they were for Dans memory to continue in such a wonderful way. Gabe loved it. He was proud and I was proud of him. He was so grown up about it.

I was glad my friends could enjoy this night and be there for me. Deep down, I wanted to squeeze them all tightly and tell them that I loved and missed them. But they already knew that. They got to celebrate with Dan’s parents for me. And I’m truly glad they did.

C xx